I usually feel full of energy on Mondays.
I'm revived after a weekend and ready to get some projects done.
Not today.
I stayed up late working on the rehearsal dinner video and watching Peaky Blinders. Yep, went down that Netflix wormhole.
I read an interesting article in the Atlantic that has me thinking. I continue to come back to topics of health related to communal life and living and general health practices for a community. Alison Gopnik, UC Berkley author/professor, was reviewed Steve Pinker's new book Enlightenment Now and commenting on the overall idea he puts forth in his writing that the world is improving, not getting worse.
She agrees with the statistics he puts forth on the specific topics or variables he chooses to highlight: infant mortality, plagues, access to clean water, limited wars, etc. His premise is that we're unhappy because we don't realize how good we have it.
No, she says. She feels he isn't taking into account human values, values regarding the ability to be and stay connected to a community of people.
We're not taking into account key elements needed for human flourishing, specifically the need to connect to people, be part of a community and/or tribe, to feel a sense of belonging, to feel you can stay rooted with people and not be forced to move every few years for work, etc. She said people today feel unable to stay connected meaningfully to families, unable to work if they don't move to a large city, unable to see their kids enough, price of housing, etc.
Fractured. Fragmented.
She struck a nerve with me. These are the exact comments I've been making and reading data on. People may not worry about getting the plague today, but they worry about losing their homes, good childcare, good schools, job prospects, any sense of community at all with anyone.
The language around community and communal life being important seems to have been stricken from our common vocabulary. I'm not even sure at this point how we can go about undoing generations of separation and isolation from each other. If there isn't a natural component to it, it will just become like a diet or new form of exercise; something we're told we need to do because its good for us.
This also dovetailed into a conversation I had w/ a neighbor who is actively creating community. He is a tool and machine junkie and turned his garage into a metal shop of sorts. I went over to get a bit of help cutting some logs (which we managed to do together quite ingeniously I might add with a chainsaw, ratchet ties and a welding table). He holds a Shop Night every Wednesday, so I went over to check things out for the first time and get some help.
He commented when we were done that I seemed to know my way around tools. He asked me how that happened. I said it was probably a combination of several factors. We didn't have tons of money growing up so I learned to improvise, my Mom made us do chores so I gained skills doing that, I get impatient so I don't like to wait for someone else to do something, I'm naturally curious, I have good hand/eye coordination, creative, have a good work ethic and doing something for myself creates a sense of purpose i need. These might not be skills to land me a job at Google, but it's made it much easier to get by in life.
So that got us talking about what does it mean to be human, to feel good about yourself. I mentioned that I feel counselors today are in a hard spot, because I feel the reasons for the epidemic of mental disease are bigger than just that one person. How do you address someone being depressed by examining their entire community or country they live in? That the way of life we are all living makes us much more prone to isolation and depression? These are massive, societal conversations that fortunately people are trying to research, address and come up with positive solutions, but meanwhile, we all flounder.
The basics of mental health aren't unknown; we just live in a society where these are not high priorities, and politicians and policy-makers still argue over the role of government on these topics (not to mention arguing over the basics of mental health) In this society, I feel largely under siege and have for decades. I'm not being paranoid; this to me is an obvious acknowledgement that we're not moving forward necessarily, and probably haven't been for centuries. We've had to create our own culture within a culture, and its tiring to always be going against the flow or trying to do things differently when you yourself are still learning and trying to understand that for yourself.
*****
Briefly on the topic of anxiety then. I guess I have been blue today somewhat, probably due to being tired and some under the window energy. I haven't had a ton of time to do some above-window activities, but I've kept my mind under control. That helps.
I felt anxious today at the doctor's office with my parents. I wanted to talk afterwards to the doctor about Mom's dementia. We also talked in the office with the doctor about it. When I was outside with the doctor, I told her about Mom's delusions and forgetting people. The doctor listened patiently, made a few comments and then finally just brought me back to the basics; they look good though, don't they? Overall, they're doing well.
Oh, you're right. Thanks again for bringing me back. That's a reminder moment today. Someone wise once said we should have one small humiliation a day, just to know we always need to keep growing, that we haven't arrived.
Tonight, I hope to keep working on my list of things I do each day to stay in the window, stay less anxious, more healthy and keep moving forward with myself and esp my marriage.
*****
The day ended well. I didn't feel much like it but just kept working on staying above the window w/ mostly gratitude sentences, little things are everywhere to be grateful for, made dinner for myself, long evening on the patio w/ wine and my hubs. I'm staying on a good schedule w/ wedding plans, enjoying the process, letting things slide that can and just doing life.
I sat on the porch in the evening sun and listened to birds do their evensong. I watched a mother robin find worms in our yard and pull them up for herself and her two chicks that were following her, trying to figure out how to do what magic she does. They sure looked like they could do what she could do, but couldn't find the worms.
They could fly. They were hopping around. They were even in the right place. But only the mother was finding the worms, the one w/ the experience, patience and probably seasons of hunger.
I often don't feel we are terribly evolved as humans, if we have grown to think that our offspring need little more than babysitting and entertainment.
No, the birds have it right.
How much we have to learn.