Wow. What a month. Let's just wipe Feb. 2017 off the map I guess. A few upsides... I didn't get super sick at anytime. We have two execs gone but how painful was that. It was exhausting. We got through it okay. Jay is tired. I am tired.
Last night we talked about things at work. I tried to reiterate my concerns about his leadership gaps. It wasn't pleasant. On Thursday evening, we talked about the meeting the following day regarding strategy and goals planning. I said I was concerned that since we didn't even know our own company goals, how could we really talk w/ them about goals? He agreed and said it's not his strength.
I have been watching Doc Martin and trying to see the similarities in their relationship issues. I'm watching Season 7 now. The part I remembered before that is still striking is that Louisa felt their marriage problems were all his fault. It's pretty clear that was her position.
That really struck home before for me and still does. It hits close to home. Jay is a good leader, and no one I know works harder or wants to do better. He puts in the hours and is trying to make this all come together. I don't know that I could do that. He has drive and determination and he works very very hard. Most of our employees only work 36-40 hours a week. They take long lunches often. They are not stressed. We do nice things for them. Jay works harder than anyone, and he doesn't complain.
I will continue to support him and do my part in what I can to keep this business afloat. Pretty soon, there will be more people out of work in Spokane thanks to the an impending laboratory sale to a national chain. I wish that cost wasn't driving everything in the economy, but it sure seems like it. Those well-trained folks will be looking for work.
So I just keep going to AlAnon and try to remember to be thankful, grateful, remember that my own happiness is my responsibility. Sometimes I get really sad, and I cry or listen to music. I stop trying to make everything Jay's fault, and I also let myself get sad over things when it seems really hard.
It seems today was a bit better, and there was more connection. He is trying hard and so am I. There is only so much I can do to help him and vica versa. I have to keep growing and changing as best I can.