Today was the last day for the employee who is leaving, officially. Jay remarked that its a pretty good birthday present as today is his birthday.
This person had said he was leaving today. When it didn't appear he was, Jay asked him about it. He got testy and grumpy, making it seem like Jay was being difficult by confirming that he was leaving. Any confirmation we needed of making this decision, that sealed the deal.
I had a therapy session in Moscow as the roads weren't horrible. Today we worked we discussed what's happening at the business as well as building what Kay calls a resource team.
We discussed that a restructuring at work is better than having the business fail. It's obvious it's going to take some time, and I'll need skills while that happens. I'll need to practice my boundaries on anger especially when I don't feel safe which is mostly every day at work. Instead of attacking, I can choose to respond differently. How can I make that switch? Onto more EMDR.
I wonder about Jay's ability to be the president, but I know I can't do it either. I only want to be supportive but continue to be in a role that requires input and sometimes critique. I'm probably too negative and jaded at this point, but I feel so unsafe with how this has unfolded over the years. At the core, I resent how long this has taken, how painful it's been, how frequently dysfunctional and on the edge of collapse, requiring me to step in and do something heroic. Backing away seems best.
We talked about me doing what I have to do for now, but defining a different role for me in the future. It will gradually resolve over time, and it's critically important I'm connected to myself in the transition. Practicing meditation keeps me connected to the right hemisphere and not just the left.
The resource team includes people or objects or things in three groups: wisdom, nurturing, protective. I identified different things in each and plan to call on them when I need them when we're doing EMDR as well as anytime I need during the week. I pulled in nature, people I don't know very well, my spiritual director, Jay and some animals. We'll see how this goes.