Somedays I wonder what other stress-related illness I’ll get from all of this.
I'm already pretty sure my endometriosis came from the stress of my family, my Dad.
I hope nothing.
I worry about Jay and our lack of sex over the years. I've read a more regular sex life helps men prevent prostate cancer. I needed that extra stress and pressure in our sex life, yep I did.
I hope someday, we can be largely free of this strain. It is really hard. I feel unhappy a great deal of the time. I was unhappy all of last year. We are so triggered by each other at work. It's becoming more clear to me that working together a significant amount won't work. Neither of us can change enough to make this work.
I think I’d rather work on practicing my contemplation and see if that changes my brain, soul, my attitude, my happiness.
*****
Meetings. Meetings. Meetings. I'll be happy to be done with this someday.