I worked hard all day on the yard, the zillions of smallish wedding chores that are starting to overwhelm me, groceries.
I just kept working, knocking things off the list. I had the energy, the strength, to do it. For that, I'm deeply grateful.
I saw the DO today and he feels I'm improving. I am. Jay is amazed.
This is the first day I've felt a little overwhelmed by the wedding. I'm trying to do some cleaning and then we're still recovering from the storm in the backyard. So unfortunately, with guests in the house and the wedding itself, it's a lot for where I'm coming from.
But I'm pulling it off.
The burn on my foot slowed me down a solid two weeks. That messed up the schedule, especially with the garden.
*****
I didn't call my mother for a week.
I called them tonight. Her husband sounded weaker when they answered the phone. She sounded better.
I'm relinquishing attempts at control. They want to be together, however they are, and that's all I want for them. I will continue to do what I can to make sure their assets are safe and they have good healthcare. I am hopeful I can arrange an outing here and there, but even those seem challenging with where they live.
I've made peace in some way with it all. It is what it is. My mother seems happy somedays, others not. That's not too unlike most people.
*****
I just want to go on record as saying that I'm stunned that the president of my country is meeting with the North Korean leader, signed some kind of document or agreement, and this is being heralded as a good step, a good thing.
This leader, this strongman, has not changed. He's as manipulative and evil as they come. He has not had a change of heart; he's just found a Western leader with an ego as large as his. People like that are easy to manipulate, to use. DT is selling our democratic souls to the highest bidder. "You can't do a good deal with a bad person," our former partner used to say.
In this case, that's doubly true.
Of all the funny things, the NYT provided laughs with a remix of the insane video DT put together. It made me smile; we need more humor.
*****
I've missed writing.
I've had to almost completely stop due to wedding plans.
The process of being engrossed in this wedding has been a good reality check. I've missed things I didn't know I'd miss. We have many things we enjoy right now. I can dream about the past or the future, but today can be really good, especially as my body and soul heals, my marriage heals.
I'm more routine and art-driven than I've realized. I used to always accuse Jay of this, being addicted to his routines. I just never allowed myself to have any. I felt I had to always be available for needs around me of the family, especially the girls. It feels good to have them of my own.
*****
"For being closer, more present and loving than the sister I never had..." I'm writing letters to friends who're helping with the wedding, pulling it all together with desserts, help on Friday decorating, hosting guests, coordinating parking, on and on.
We have beautiful people all around us; I'm deeply grateful. We have a community. It's a bit ragtag, but I like that. Not many perfect people, that goodness, but that means nothing is completely predictable. We can handle it, and the odds are in our favor for fun and normalcy, dependability.
The wedding feels like a celebration of our way of life. I've mentioned that; I'll say it again.