I remember being in Hawaii last November, sitting on the beach feeling anxious. It occurred to me that's its an illusion to go someplace to get away from all your problems. Get a rest, a break, a change of pace, yes. To forget your problems or become a different person, probably not.
It feels that way a bit being here with the topic of the business looming over both of us. Jay is starting to discuss these matters more closely with one of our friends here that has a successful accounting and business background. I'm hopeful that will help us all.
I had somewhat of a revelation today. Jay and I had conflict again over the business the past two weeks. We resolved it somewhat, I pulled back and used better non-violent communication techniques, but ultimately, another series of days lost to our company.
It seems things are coming to a head and a lot of it has to do w/ me. I feel I’m being sort of forced out of the company. I don’t seem to be able to work w/ Jay at all at this point. The business is really just one huge trigger for me.
I’ve been trying to come back online from my sabbatical, figure out my role at work, and I can’t seem to really find one that doesn’t create pain. But as long as we own the company and stuff happens, I guess it will create pain. I don’t know how to leave and I don’t know how to stay, sort of like I’ve thought about our marriage.
I was hoping we could ease into the time here with less tension and more fun. It's definitely better than being at home, but our issues have followed us here.