We spent the weekend in Seattle, hanging out by the water and seeing both of the girls. It was nice to see our friends and stay at their house. We saw Jay's bio dad and his wife.
I was very anxious this weekend, almost having a panic attack last night and didn't know why. I later realized it had to do w/ my stomach being offline and upset from all the pain meds last week due to my burned foot. It was very scary to get that close to a panic attack, haven't had one in years. As a result, I have no meds or anything and could envision it spinning out of control. It didn't; I practiced gratitude and calmed down after taking some stomach meds and electrolytes.
Highlights:
- Conversations with Jay about the Marriage. He wants us to try to start connecting more, "breathing" as he called it. I think we're ready for that, I'm ready. We spent the afternoon together and it was good. We talked about the damage that's there, how to move ahead and be together again. I'm have multiple behaviors that are about surviving with him, not being in a relationship. I'm glad we're getting back to the relationship again. We had it in spurts all along. The last seven years though have been rough, really rough.
- We talked on the way home from Seattle and we talked about my anxiety. He talked about how my view of success is pretty unrealistic. It's all or nothing and the bar is really high. He's right. I think this is pretty significant and ties into my negative thinking. If the bar is impossibly high, how can I be anything but negative?
- Foot pain is finally improving, mainly because I started treating it differently, adding in aloe vera and some antibiotic ointment
- Saw the girls
Next week:
- Mindfulness practices again, get back to that.
- Get back to the basics on Kathy's advice for managing anxiety and depression. I think I'm doing well there but need to revisit that
- Wedding details
- What's next????
Tacoma, WA