A day to not be at work, focus on something else.
This morning had our exec breakfast and then came home. Worked all morning straight away on cleaning and sorting. I had a feeling of real hope as I was moving the sewing machine into the furnace room. I can see that I have been working steadily to streamline and eliminate all this clutter, both in paper and things. It has made a huge difference. I’ve been working at it steadily for the last six months starting back w/ the costume box in 2016 and moving from there aggressively.
When I was taking some stuff out to the garbage, I was thinking a lot about stuff. Why have I kept stuff, why did my mom keep stuff, why did her mom keep stuff?
I did a little research on hoarding and even organized hoarding. Hoarding is a disorder that may be present on its own or as a symptom of another disorder. Those most often associated with hoarding are obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), and depression.
Well, the ADHD and depression definitely fits. It does keep your mind busy, collecting things then organizing those things. I have long wondered about that. It does lead to more depression though, because you see that your whole life is going into managing things. It is also some weird thing in my head at least regarding memories and nostalgia, maybe some kind of soothing response to trauma? Trying to force an object that had some sentiment attached to make you happy or feel like your life has some structure and meaning?
Hoarding is not the same as collecting. In general, collectors have a sense of pride about their possessions and they experience joy in displaying and talking about them. They usually keep their collection organized, feel satisfaction when adding to it, and budget their time and money.
It's not clear what causes hoarding disorder. Genetics, brain chemistry and stressful life events are being studied as possible causes.
- Difficulty managing daily activities because of procrastination and trouble making decisions
- They believe these items will be needed or have value in the future
- The items have important emotional significance — serving as a reminder of happier times or representing beloved people or pets
- They feel safer when surrounded by the things they save
New research suggests that hoarders have unique patterns of brain activity when faced with making decisions about their possessions, compared with healthy people. And despite the fact that hoarding has traditionally been seen as a symptom or subtype of obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), brain activity in those who cannot de-clutter is also distinct from that of people with typical OCD, the study shows.
“Hoarders have great difficulty making decisions, especially around the value of their possessions,” says Michael Jenike, an OCD expert and professor of psychiatry at Harvard, who was not associated with the research. “This study is very interesting as it demonstrates that brain regions associated with monitoring for errors under conditions of uncertainty are activated when hoarding patients are deciding whether or not to throw out personal items.”
I don't fully understand what my brain, really, my prefrontal cortex, wants me to do and why. I'm trying to understand myself better so I can be better in charge of my time and energy and have the outcome of my energies be rewarding, not confusing.