We are both exploring this idea of a new marriage forming.
I purchased the ring I'd had my eye on at the Moscow pawn shop. It's the ring I wish I'd bought 30 years ago when we were looking. I didn't have the confidence to buy an estate-setting piece when no one I knew was doing something different.
I waited two weeks after spotting it and when checking in again, it was still there. It seems a good symbol of something new but also something old. I love doing vintage or reuse when I can; it's so classy. Jay said he's interested in a new ring as well and looking at our relationship in a fresh way.
In some ways, we're getting a second chance. Our first marriage died in many ways. I want some things to truly be buried and not resurrected. We have the ability to do that, and to have a fresh start. I feel fortunate. It feels like all this work is going to be well-worth it, when you consider the option.
My heart and soul feel full. I'm changing. Basic attitudes are shifting dramatically. This morning I burned my foot by spilling some hot water on it. I spent a few hours up at the clinic. I almost passed out. I got it dressed and taken care of. Overall though, it felt very much like an isolated incident, not something to dwell on, feel bad about in terms of myself, exaggerate or blow it out of proportion.
My mind feels open and ready to think holistically about life again and not be focused on safety and security. I have been thinking about Rob Bell's Holy Shift tour, the idea of drawing bigger circles in your life and considering much more of life holy than things that fit in a rational box. I felt that this morning, I felt it yesterday when meeting with my Mom's pastor, I feel it today while resting from the burn.
Also, this quote from Madeline L'Engle:
"All shall be well and all shall be well and all manner of things shall be well."
*****
Watching Pride and Prejudice, remembering again how there have always been families that have members who dearly love each other and are quite different from each other. I find it comforting to realize and accept that one can overcome but also still honor your family.
It also reminded me of how I have been seeking out examples of unusual romances, relationships, and marriages in stories and movies. When I would stumble onto one, it would give me hope and reaffirm my desire to find a way for our differences to be a strength, not separate us.