Highlights:
- A major family event that went off without a hitch and many positive memories made
- Kids remarking on how things are improving, changing, how I especially am growing and our family communication is flourishing.
- We spotlight each other each year on the person's birthday. This year, the spotlights from each person weren't about how I'm growing or trying to change or survive hard things. They were positive things about how things are going well for all of us. So the hard work is paying off.
- Watching KT be so excited about the wedding but mainly about being married. She's a radiant bride; S is a lucky man
- A drive to the venue up on the mountain in the golden hour before sunset. Walking around inside and out in the forest, near the stream, listening to birds and owls hooting. Seeing KT prance around near the arbor in her high heels, trying to see how they'll do on the lawn. Magic.
- Tears as my mom couldn't remember many people at the shower, a true change. Hearing how much better she was the next day after spending time w/ my brother and a granddaughter. Realizing how much better she'd be around more people and happiness. Having to let that go.
- Letting that all go, just letting it go
- Feeling somewhat numb around several nice things Jay did, realizing I'm just worn out and don't have feelings about a lot of things. I wonder if I ever will. I don't feel angry; I just have waited so long. Now that some things are happening, it feels almost too late, like what Kay said. I hope that was just that way this weekend, and will improve. I wasn't sad or depressed, but was a little flat and that was odd. I have to watch the window of tolerance. I was under going into the weekend.
- Feeling energized by nature and spring. Willing to stop and regularly watch spring unfold, watch the ducklings, watch the new blossoms, watch the sky, watch it all. It has a profoundly calming and at the same time, joyful effect on my soul that nothing else does.
Next week:
- I'm trying to really stay on a list of projects and tasks related to the house, wedding, writing, parents.
- I'm trying to embrace more transparency and connection with friends.
- I have flaws and faults that have blinded me. They have made it easier to focus on other people's issues. Continued focus on my own issues and blind spots while also giving myself a lot of grace.
