Deep waters.
When you try and resolve issues with your father, but your mother keeps showing up.
To finally understand how trauma overrides your most powerful instincts, to love and nurture a child. Trauma often wins the most at-bats. It messes with the control center and the heart and soul can't win.
When magical thinking comes from trauma. When the inability to connect comes from trauma. When latching onto ideas instead of people comes from trauma. Mix in stubbornness and a family will struggle to survive.
I've always tried to forgive, but at this point, it's either gain more understanding or disconnect further. Now I have some understanding.
It's a parting of the waters and a shift in my soul.
My time with Kay today parted the clouds and gave me some of the understanding I've needed to make a shift to empathy and less co-dependency.