I feel like I’ve shed a series of old skins, and I’m experiencing life in a way I never have.
My thoughts are more calm. I’m less anxious in general. I’m steadier and having fewer up’s and down’s. I definitely have feelings again. My body is feeling stronger, and I’m interested in exercising. I’m getting on a schedule slowly and having routines each day regardless of what’s going on. I don’t feel I need to give myself little outs here and there to survive each day.
I’m not interested much in drinking. Occasionally a social drink here and there. I’m slimming down. I’m eating very little meat. I’m interested in being with Jay and trying to get to know him better.
I’m liking the new me. It’s been just a little over three years exactly since the storm that I feel really started all this. Three years of aggressive, focused healing with mostly decompensation before that.
*****
We have our company Christmas party tonight. This time we went to a big event venue that has bowling, a casino, pool, and a large arcade. It was really fun. I planned it with one other person at work. She was really helpful. I bought a bunch of toys sort of at the last minute to put on all the tables. I got everything at the dollar store or the Party Palace. Tiny pinball games, some paddles w/ balls on strings and some wind-up toys. It was all a big hit in addition to games being all around us in the venue.
This has definitely been an evolution for me. I used to plan these more elaborate parties and realized a few years ago, people just want to relax, have a few beers and some food, play games and hang-out. They don’t want to do fine-dining. They don’t want an elaborate evening planned. They want to mostly just relax and have fun. I’ve finally figured that out.
As I get closer to my true self and shut down my ego, it makes more sense that this sort of thing would appeal to me more.
It’s never too late to learn.