I met with my folks today. I reviewed the Medicare information, and Mom especially was very appreciative.
I thought about what Kay and I had talked about yesterday. I need to keep remembering that everyone wants to ultimately be their own person, including my Mom. She wants to be with her husband most of all, not her kids. I think secondly she’d like to be able to have more fun and have some of the distractions of her life reduced. That’s about it. I know she likes seeing me but has accepted that all of our lives have changed.
It felt good to just see them and connect but not have it be this either really sad thing, glad or leave triggered. They’re getting older and need help. My stepdad is pretty selfish, and my Mom is doing a lot of what she did for my Dad, just helping him.
I wish she got more care for her dementia. Maybe someday she’ll live somewhere and really enjoy being in a place were a lot of people like her and take care of her. She’ll be able to go places and do things. I don’t know if she’d be happier than just living with her husband out at the property.
Fortunately, I’m releasing her happiness back to my own higher power, the divine, God, whatever you call it. I am doing what I can to make her life less stressful and the #1 thing that happened this year was changing her meds. That has had a huge impact. I feel good about that.
The rest of the day, I just moved office furniture from our old space to the new one. I wasn’t super excited, like best day ever, but felt good to just work and get things done. I wasn’t depressed either.
It feels good to be stable. I’m not triggered by much anymore. It feels good. Somedays, just reveling in that feeling is as much as I need to be happy. I’m sure some day the novelty of that will wear off, and I might forget what it was like all these years to be so needy, insecure, tired, weary, triggered, on-edge, etc. I hope I never forget.
That’s one reason I did this blog. I hoped that someday, the end of this blog would be about me being stable, happy, relaxed, at least connected to my real self. It feels that’s finally happening after four years of earnest searching.
It’s a good way to go into a weekend.
I ended the day watching Chocolat. I used to love this movie, on so many levels. I love to reconnect w/ parts of myself that were alive, at one time.