This morning I'm facing significant anxiety.
Oddly as my health returns, the reality of digging into a more creative life leaves me feeling paralyzed. I brought this up with Kay because I feel the weight of it creeping in.
She said to envision myself doing the various things I've considered. Just sit with each option. Let it roll around in my soul, not my head. Start there.
That feels very positive and hopeful. This morning however feels like I'm listening to a podcast entitled You Suck. To try and do anything other than be miserable feels otherworldly, like, not possible.
But I'm going to try. I have enough tools now where it's shameful to not try and fight it. So, that's what we'll do.
There is absolutely nothing sexy or predictable or planned about any of this.
Splaying is how it feels, if I was forced to select some kind of action verb.
Splaying.
Spraying.
Grasping.
Gasping.
Just an elegant path to enlightenment. One fine, hot mess.
Bwahahahaaa.