I am slowly turning to puddy.
I am sort of doing some walking exercises.
I'm eating well.
I'm doing basic chores.
I'm working a small amount.
I'm moving slowly, mostly, thinking slowly, not planning much.
I'm trying to help with health issues of my aging mother.
The process right now feels like a true thaw is starting. Up until this point, I've been staying as busy as possible because of being terrified to be un-busy.
So the last two weeks, really as I finally started the timeline work, I'm just not doing much. Some of it is also getting off the grid. I'm establishing firmer time around my devices and in general, just not doing much.
I'm not doing much. I'm not working much. I don't have many goals. I'm not doing much.
Kay talks about the window of tolerance quite a bit. I'm aware that getting too flat or lethargic means I'm below the window and need to get more active again.
This feels like sort some kind of natural system slow-down, like maybe something I should have been doing occasionally the last 40 years. So a built up slow-down, what would you call that? I guess an extended gap year at 50, that's what's going down. That's the hot mess going down. Or, the opposite of the mess. The mess-less.
The meditation and and mindfulness, the centering prayer, the detoxing, it then feels like the time is meaningful. A true rest.
I don't really know, actually. I pondered aloud that this could be my new normal. What if I never work full-time again? What if I never launch that big next project that I want to do? What if I live meaningfully with a small group of people in this town, which I can tell I have the energy for, and not much else happens beyond that. What about that, self. What about that.