Change /CHānj/
verb 1. make or become different.
The general definition of change has severe limitations, much like using the word love to talk about ice cream, a movie, your pet or life partner.
Or shoes. Give it up for shoes.
Change. Seasons change. Jobs change. Players switch teams. Birds migrate. All of that is change.
I would argue though that these are predictable changes. While winters in Spokane can be long, I never wonder if we'll ever have spring again. We'll have spring. It may be short or cold or too windy but it'll come.
Adult children, however. Now this is a different story.
These kids are evolving. They are changing but it feels like it's going mostly in one direction, and that's expanding. Unlike seasons that cycle, this feels more like a rocket going in one direction. They're blooming, they're unfolding, they're discovering themselves and their lives.
The change then to me, feels very unpredictable. It's often beautiful, but the surprise factor is always there.
"Wow! You're going to look for a new apartment! I thought you just moved into the one you have? But that's cool! That's amazing. But so soon? Is your lease up? Does it cost more? But yes! That is just... awesome, just wow! I get why you want to move, I get it. I get it."
That, times 100.
I wish I wouldn't express so much surprise with each new milestone but I'm afraid I do. I'm working on a tone of voice and face and body posture that elicits positivity but not exuberant surprise, affirmation but not shock, warmth but not a meltdown. Lofty goals.
E is home for a long week during the Thanksgiving holiday. We headed to the bank today to disconnect our two bank accounts. She'd opened her accounts with my assistance in 2005. She would have been 14. Up until then, it'd been cash and a piggy bank box in her room.
I am pretty proud of this kid. (But always hiding the surprised part!!) She arrived on Sunday afternoon, driving in from Seattle in her car. It was her first cross-state solo drive, and she was pretty proud of herself. Last year, when we ventured across the state together, driving her car back home after purchasing it in Spokane, she hit a sizable pothole and ended up with a flat tire.
She's managing a back injury that has lasted over six months. She's holding down a high-responsibility tech job with a Global100 company. She just secured and moved into her first solo apartment. She's using my office this week to work remotely, staying focused and getting things done. She has fun, she exercises, she's exploring cooking, she's an adult.
She told me here at the age of 26 that she wanted to disconnect our bank accounts. This hadn't even occurred to me, because I never pay attention to her accounts. She'd opened her accounts with my assistance in 2005. She would have been 14. Up until then, it'd been cash and a piggy bank box in her room.
I sat there watching her as she interacted with the banker. Will it always be like this, I wonder, surprised once again by some new adult thing my child is doing. Then I had to laugh at my naïveté. What could possibly be next?? Oh, just kids, a life partner (or not), a new job in a new city, no job and moving home to pursue a passion, an invention, the world.
I guess I will need to keep honing my various states of support minus incredulous shock that my baby is all grown up and doing things I never dreamed of.
We finished the day by heading to dinner to celebrate her continued growth as an adult and that Mom didn't cry.