I keep trying to think of funny ways to write about trauma therapy. Ann Lamott wrote one time that when she learned her father had brain cancer, she went to the library and asked to see the funny books on cancer. The librarian wasn't amused.
I have this one story about going out to dinner w/ J, and I had a low-cut dress on. I was constantly tugging and pulling at it, terrified of being too revealing. The joy of wearing a gorgeous dress was completely overshadowed by my hysteria.
Finally, at one point J said, "So you realize that all of what you're doing is having the opposite effect of what you're hoping for, right? Like, everyone is actually now looking at you, whereas before, no one would. Your dress is fine. Chill out." We both started laughing because what else can you do when your life is crazy because you're crazy.
So the other day, after all of my crying and lamenting and exhausted grieving over July and August as we dug into my timeline, we started to actually go through the timeline, one memory at a time in order. K asked me if I knew how it worked. I said yes. She said when you go back to specific memories, you take your present self back with you to help your younger self calm down and realize the present is fine.
Then I said, "Well, what if I'm not crazy about my present self? What if I think my present self could stand to lose a little weight? What if my present self has very poor dental hygiene, doesn't exercise much and can't bake decent brownies? I'm not sure I want to introduce my younger self to my present self yet. My present self needs some work. Do you know anyone I can see for that?"
Now I think this is quite hilarious. Going through trauma therapy is about as fun as it sounds. I am trying to find some humor in the midst of it all. I think there is a lot of potential here. I am seeing a nice stand-up routine that could involve some seriously decent bits.
Stay-tuned.