So for the last three days, I’ve been taking between 10-20 mg of CBD a day.
I don’t know if it’s making a difference. My pelvic pain is going down but that’s what it normally does after shots. It takes a week then starts to recede. Today I drove to Moscow and it still is good tonight though I’m ready for bed.
I did a therapy session today and I walked and processed my timeline about 15 times or so. She used different prompts and we just walked and talked through it. The entire purpose of it is to make you realize and your body realize this is all in your past, both the good and the not so good.
I think it will help? I feel stronger this week than I’ve felt in a long time. I don’t feel so fragile which I exhausted and sick of. I’m tired of feeling this broken and weak and in need of fixing. It makes me see sort of my whole life and not see it as this huge unfixable mess.
There was a lot of good in there. I started filling in the holes as I was thinking of the different prompts. She started back when I was a baby and I remember the taste of the baby cereal which she said is impossible but I do and did.
What was clear is that I was born into a family that wasn’t a great family. My mom almost divorced my dad when she realized what mental health issues he had. But they went ahead and had us two kids and that was that. She was told divorce was bad or something like that so they tried to do a family. It just didn’t work very well.
That’s what it was. That’s what I got, a maybe more dysfunctional than normal human family. That was it.
I’m still here though. I didn’t die. I can undo these things in my head and keep living even though I had a damaged family and I got really damaged. I lost a lot of years, a lot of years, to my childhood damage and to my marriage damage. There was still good happening in the middle of all the damage.
That was pretty clear to me during the session.
This comes down to what I remember and what I’ll focus on going forward.