I grew up in a generation where you read Ram Dass and Alan Watts in the morning, and you went to a Vietnam antiwar protest in the afternoon. The countercultural tumult of that time was all across the board. It was personal, it was sexual, it was cultural, it was musical, and it was political. -Marianne Williamson in the NYT on quitting the presidential race
I’m tired. I had shots in the pelvis this am. Visit with parents and mom’s new doc this afternoon. Dinner w/ friends where I took all the food I made last night. Some work stuff.
I mostly want to be more connected to myself and to Jay.
I am reminded of how important it is not to judge as we talk about his bio mom. I want to go to a higher place with all this than feeling threatened. I feel like my body is calming down and it’s going to be okay. I actually want to be someone Jay can discuss this with and know I’m going to be okay, that I no longer feel threatened.
Us being on the same page changes everything.
I am eating a lot.
I read a post today about pot, that smoking pot, especially when you’re dealing with healing intergenerational trauma, is not being lazy. She mentioned that you’re undoing generations of trauma, and you’re meeting a lifetime of habits and experiences imbedded in your nervous system, your body. Sometimes it’s all hard to sit with and we need a distraction.
That actually resonated. By the end of the day, I want to turn off my brain and get some kind of a body break. I drink wine, and that’s about it. I don’t have many other ways to get some rest from the ongoing changes and tension that I feel as I go through this process.
If I didn’t have this pain management plan w/ my pain meds, I’d probably be trying it more regularly. I’d love something to help. It all feels like a lot right now.