We are up in Canada for a few days staying at one of our favorite lodges. The owner does an amazing job making the place feel homey and inviting. There is a great room to hang out in and have breakfast together with other guests in the am. There are different things around the property as well that he’s built for more communal time together.
I spent the day skiing, from about 10-2. I started feeling pretty numb about all the bio fam and mom stuff. I think the back and forth w/ bilateral movement helped me come out of that some. I also took a nap, something I rarely do.
I did feel better after the nap and more hopeful we can figure the bio mom stuff out. I came to the conclusion that it’s hard to trust Jay w/ all this when things have sort of fallen out the way they have. I know he loves me and is trying. It’s just been a really long haul.
I find being distracted helps and that’s not what I have in town. I have too much time on my hands and am semi-depressed on a regular basis. I’ll have to find something else to do once work at the office winds down some for me.
What will I do with writing or with anything? That’s the perennial question right now.
I’m grateful to be learning about myself and my body. I have much to be grateful for.
Last week was rough after getting triggered so badly last weekend I wish I just didn’t care and didn’t get triggered.
Hopefully things will continue to improve and it will stop being such an issue. As long as bio mom wants us to be more involved, it’s going to be an issue.