What am I feeling and learning?
I took time to go to Seattle to be w/ the girls.
The youngest one and her hubs are buying a house. By virtue of it being in Seattle, it’s expensive. It’d be half what they’re paying in our town.
Their parents and grandmother stepped in to help them w/ their down payment. How they went about it and how we all worked together as a larger family made me feel pretty amazing, like I won the lottery. It was
You stay connected with people by being there w/ them and making the effort. Good reminder to me this week of being less the victim (“We don’t get to see you as much as the your Seattle family”) and just making something happen. Be in charge and change something if you don’t like it.
I feel my body being less stressed around Jay. I feel less reactive. It’s pretty significant. That was a big focus on my last talk w/ Kay.
So we’ve been talking a lot about money and the business and I’ve been upset but this time today driving to Canada, I’ve not been as triggered. I could listen and consider what he was saying. It feels like a huge breakthrough for myself and also our marriage.
He is very thoughtful in so many ways. He asks questions often and really wants to consider me and my needs. That’s what I need to focus on and remember as my brain is healing.
That’s it. My brain is healing. My brain is trying to readjust the neural pathways of how they were wired before around Jay. Some of this was due to my previous wiring that didn’t give him much of a chance. Some of it was related to his attachment disorder. Either way, I’ve been in F/F/F for about four decades. Feels amazing to unwind.
We hiked up Red Mt. today with our friend who owns the inn we stay in.
I’m not sure I can overstate how important its been for me to be around people who have had different lives than me.
I think because I know instinctively I didn’t live the life I was supposed to for many years. it’s a way for me to sort of field test emotions and stories and experiences I hear from others and let it reverb w/ my soul, with my True and divine self.
I keep making adjustments based on those experiences, like a tuning fork, and that feels like how my new pathways have been created. It’s me, my divine self and the divine in other things that I’m sensing. I’m moving toward goodness and love and the divine wherever I see it. It feels like the richest kind of tapestry possible. It feels like pure richness.
I guess then I’d say I’m trying to go through life like it’s a living museum. What is resonating? What am I finding that already resonantes w/ what I know to be true? What doesn’t fit or match the puzzle pieces in my soul that need a fit?
I feel it’s one of the exercises I do each day that’s helping heal my soul. It’s a trust exercise and the quest is to more learn to trust myself. When I look back on my life and the goodness that exists in my life now and the goodness I send out as well, it came to me through a variety of these types of experiences and learnings and reaching out for help in a myriad of ways.