I’m tired from class yesterday and the effort to get this new project submitted. The location photography class is grueling. They’ve combined classes and shortened timeframes for complex material. It’s going to be a stretch.
My pelvic flare stuff is acting up, but went to see the magical PT angel today and think she made progress. My left hip is locked into its socket and she did some stuff to stretch it out. Things feel tingly and different down there. I hope it helps. I’m ready for a pain-free life. It really affects me and makes it hard to get into a groove and make forward movement on projects.
I spent the morning finding movers and downsizers to help next week with the move. This is a reminder of why it was good to step aside, but also why it’s been so frustrating to work together with everyone. It made me stressed out today. Jay keeps trying to talk to me about all this but always says it’s all stress. Or something like that that triggers me.
I hope I can rest this evening. The new antidepressant is supposed to help w/ interstitial cystitis. It makes me sleepy. I don’t know if I’ll keep taking it.
It was weird today though as I’m having a day where I usually have to fight off depression and very dark, anxious thoughts. I didn’t feel that way. I felt like I can keep slowly working on projects and things will get better. It’s wonderful to not have the darkness always lurking on the edges of my mind. I don’t know if it’s the EMDR/Lifespan work, the meds, the life changes, the sun, who knows.
Just glad that’s not also on top of all this as I try and keep moving forward with new things.
The improv class is also fun every Tuesday evening. Laughter=good medicine.
*****
Something definitely has shifted the last week or so. I don’t feel as depressed and the dark thoughts that haunt me seem to have receded.
I have been practicing compassion for others and less focus on anger. I’ve been thinking about other people more and less navel-gazing. I feel more grateful and thankful for what I have. It’s making things less dark and more hopeful. It is a big seachange.
One thought as well is the sun. Maybe I’m getting more Vitamin D? Or the combination of it all.
There has been a lot of tingly in my pelvic pain area since my PT appointment today. I’m hopeful that means there are nerves waking up and things are getting back to normal. It would be truly amazing. I guess one of my legs is shorter as well, incidentally the right side with all the remaining tightness.
It would be wonderful to have more stability.
I’m enjoying time w/ Jay this week. It feels good to be a couple again and to be getting healthy. We came close to not making it.
We saw someone at lunch today that used to work for us. He was someone who had way too much authority and discretionary income via a company card. I didn’t feel intimidated seeing him which was nice but it did make me think.
Jay stuck around and chatted some with him after I left. I guess he’s now working at the airport unloading luggage.
Wow.
From one of our directors and owning his own company to unloading luggage at 3:00 am.
It reminded me again of the beauty of compassion instead of feeling hostile and angry. He’s not a threat; he’s someone who’s struggling.
Jay mentioned though if we hadn’t hired him, he never would have gotten counseling. The reality of what he went through with this employee motivated him to figure out what was wrong in his soul.
Strange gifts in strange places.
And today, my brother’s birthday. He hasn’t shown up much, but his wounding, his life.
Anger doesn’t get you anywhere. I used to use anger to try and keep me safe. No more.