I called a friend on the phone tonight.
We saw each other the other day, and she’s in a lot of pain.
She has a bulging disc in her back, and is now trying to manage all the doctor visits and appointments that go along w/ a chronic injury. She’s had pelvic and nerve pain for years, shoulder issues, on and on. She needs a break. She needs things to stabilize and improve. She needs her life back.
I could have texted her and told her the little fact I heard at PT about traction. I could have sent her a link.
But I didn’t.
I called her, like I used to do.
I actually thought about it. I thought about all the conversations I used to have with people on the phone, often in the evenings or after the kids went to bed. I was careful about not talking alot on the phone or being elsewhere virtually when the kids were awake and around in the evenings. I wanted to be present in all ways, not just my body. This was before smartphones and devices like iPads.
I remember long conversations with my dear friend Jana who died in 2014. We used to laugh and laugh and laugh at what it was like to raise kids. We laughed about how we tried to get them to eat healthy food. We laughed about the things they said. We laughed about their idiosyncrasies and their quirks. We just were friends, surviving the pounding path of parenthood, two friends who desperately loved their kids but needed to let off steam.
I would have none of these memories with texts.
I’ve read that your body doesn’t respond the same with texting as with speaking. Not to say texting is “bad,” but it isn’t the same as a verbal conversation with someone.
It felt good to jump back just a decade to when I laughed and explored conversation with friends. I learn so much when I communicate with people. I learn about myself, the world, that person. Usually, we each discover something we wouldn’t have if we had just texted or done nothing.
I saw an article today about the book Why Liberalism Failed by Patrick Deneen. He talks about the paralysis of too many choices, of constantly weighing what’s best for you as if you know. We rarely subject ourselves to things we aren’t sure will be ideal, so we miss many, many opportunities if we’re always in complete control of our destiny.
I’m glad I was thrown together with some amazing women. We all laughed together while raising our kids, and we still even sometimes talk on the phone.