I hung out this am while our friends were at work. We had breakfast and enjoyed relaxing.
I decided though I wanted to go swimming today when M does her swim practice tonight.
The last few times we’ve been here, I’ve loved the swimming. The pool is situated near a big California hill and on the other side, you can see the glow in the sky of the sun setting and palm trees silhouetted everywhere. It’s magical. There’s usually some kind of mist hovering on the water. I went swimming once and have stayed out twice I believe.
Today I just decided I wanted to swim. I found a store nearby and walked there. I bought a suit and goggles. My friend said she had a swim cap. Then I walked next door and bought groceries for Spanish fish soup for dinner.
We went swimming from 5-6. It really was amazing. I felt like a swimmer. I felt active and also, like I’d done something for myself. I wanted to do this and California is sure a great place to find a suit, which this was.
Later we went and had sushi for dinner and just hung out, ate some chocolate at home. Overall, just an amazing day.
In reflecting on this, I think I’m relaxing and the stress in my mind that has been constant for decades is going down. As a result, I’m not monitoring the environment around me constantly and am open to what I might actually want to do. My true self is getting a chance to show up and make itself known.
The choice to pursue healing and also to stop the anger is freeing me up to finally be myself. I don’t see that it could be any other way.
I’m surprised by all I did for myself today and felt great doing it. I didn’t inconvenience anyone and just made my wishes known and went about doing it. I think Jay liked swimming together and so did my friend. It was nice to also experience it with the little one that was on the swim team.
So I’m liking this and want this sort of life and actions to continue.