The past week was fairly intense with revelations about my lack of presence in my own life and body. I saw firsthand how lack of connection to myself and an orientation only to fear and anxiety leads me to hurt the people I love most.
It makes sense really, that if you're afraid all the time, you need to be vigilant for anything negative anywhere, even if it doesn't make sense. You project and respond in ways that don't make sense for the situation or the person.
Fear ruins your life and your relationships.
"Be anxious for nothing..." Yeah, that can go a long ways to a healthy life.
Our visit in Seattle with the girls was relaxing and fun. KT's spring bday is always a celebration of life, hers and the one unfolding outside. We're scaling back some on gifts and that's nice for me. As I get healthier, I have less interest in continuing to buy gifts for everyone. I've been frantic about it. I wonder if I've driven people crazy.
It's fun to see her and Bee together. They laugh a lot and seem to really enjoy being together. They were very silly when we visited the aquarium. The more I'm around them, the more I undesrtand their relationship and the attration. I believe this was the first time Bee has experienced spotlighting on birthdays, and he was a trooper and gave it a whirl. I like being around them together.
Highlights:
- Waking up to myself for the first time
- Time with girls
- Determined to change
Next Week:
- Keep up the therapy work
- Be kind to myself and others, especially Jay
Vantage, WA