All this hiring and firing at work. Jay's doing a good job, but we are still unprepared and behind it seems. It’s hard work for us to do this stuff. I don’t know that we’re really the best at it. We are trying. I don’t know sometimes if we should keep going. It seems though that we are good at some things and not others.
The conversation w/ our marketing leader was hard, but she’s pretty gracious so she’s handling it okay. The staff are suspicious of stuff so are asking her questions already. You can’t do anything slightly different without people sensing stuff. It’s weird how that works.
I’m proud of him and he’s doing more stuff with people and things. I don’t know how it will all work out. It’s common I guess to over-hire when you’re trying to grow. It’s not easy stuff. I understand why not a lot of people try and be entrepreneurs.
One thing I’m realizing about the pins I collected and photos even sometimes is there is something in me that struggles to be in the moment. I look back at photos and realize how much I’m not there. I’m thinking about capturing the moment to remember that I had the moment, etc. but am not present. I’m thinking about what I could do next that is better than that moment. That’s a common one. There is something in me that says this moment, this present moment, isn’t good enough.
So I need to look ahead or behind. That’s hugely heavy and crazy and true. I think I heard that at this event. I am not content is what it comes down to. I’m not content with my life or life in general. I’m always looking for something else, and that’s pretty sad because this is all you get. Advertising makes it seem that everyone else is having a wonderful amazing crazy awesome non-boring, chores, go to work life. The whole world is a celebrity show.
On the topic of being in the present, we had date night tonight, and then I'm working my way through the Doc Martin series again. I find it fascinating to watch a couple work out their issues when one has Aspergers and one has Dad issues.