Because of my pain and probably own stubbornness, I struggle to see anything but problems at work.
I just see the flaws.
I don’t give credit to everyone for keeping the systems up and all the stuff behind the scenes that Jay does. It’s not fair, it seems. This is all so hard.
When I talked w/ RC about Aspergers, he said he expected something different than what he's seeing at the office. That makes me hopeful, but also more alone. Am I the only one that sees things? Am I exaggerating? Both?
Rohr tonight talked about the wheat and the weeds. It’s hard to acknowledge that you have both inside of you. I am more and more seeing my own flaws. I need to be calmer at work, less trigger happy and sure of myself, less acting on instinct and saying this is the right thing regardless. I need to ask more questions. I need to acknowledge Jay’s contributions more. I need to force solutions less.
Mainly though, this is too rough on a marriage. I'm torn between leaving, backing out and trying to stay in there and make it better. I don't love the work at the office, but I've done it for a long, long time. I'm invested.
I wrap up the week, thankful again for RC and the infusion of someone's insight that spans companies and enterprises in the billions of dollars. Whatever we do, I know we have good advice.