Spent the morning doing the final big cleaning of the house, mostly floors and the bathrooms.
Had a funny text exchange w/ Jay. We both feel when we're with the kids, it's like a vacation, most of the time. So he texted, "Good morning! It's like we're going on vacation today!"
I replied somewhat curtly, "We are?! I just cleaned two toilets. But I'm still happy." So we're both sliding into this weekend with somewhat different energy levels. I've managed to not get overdue it and get sick, keeping projects to a realistic amount and not painting the living room spur of the moment.
*****
Spent the afternoon driving to and from my parent's house in the country. I brought premade dough to make cookies with Mom so she wouldn't stress out. I wanted to do something together for the wedding besides the shower we attended together. This seemed like a good middle ground. So we scooped out cookie batter onto a tray and made chocolate chip cookies in her kitchen.
I also had an alternative motive which was to find a good reason to use the pewter tray she has that was given to my grandparents by their hiking club. Apparently, the Angora Hiking Club of Astoria, Oregon presented my grandparents with this tray on their 25th wedding anniversary. I heard about this all for the first time in 2010 when she brought cookies on it to El's high school graduation open house.
Mom's diminishing memory and occasional random decision-making (like throwing away all our 8mm home movies because someone told her they were degraded) has made me eager to intervene and spare the few things I truly want from her belongings.
The cookies didn't turn out great; I used a mix. But it brought back good memories, and it meant a lot to her. She said, "You've always been so thoughtful. You've always tried to think of ways to remember people and include them. You have a real gift at that. But you've also been determined. You've decided to do those things."
That's possibly one of the nicest things my Mom has ever said to me. She parses everything in spiritual language so it feels like you're sort of nothing. The Lord literally does everything. It's almost like, do I even matter. So for her to acknowledge my own choice and hard work, it meant a lot. Alot.
They're both failing some in health, mostly Ben right now. Mom is more stable which is a switch. I am just trying to be helpful and present however I can which physically isn't much due to the distance they live.
*****
Speaking of the wedding, the kids made it home tonight around 9:30 and are super excited to get married. Kay is sort of over the moon actually. I think she's mostly excited to get married and have the wedding, but she's also loving all the organizing.
Seeing them sitting together on the couch all wrapped up together, I feel peaceful happiness. It wasn't sadness (I'm losing you), numbness (I don't feel anything anymore), or ecstasy (these are too many feelings). It felt like a deep happiness and peace that comes from seeing something beautiful and being a part of it.
I had to force myself to sit down and enjoy that they wanted to hang out and be together. I need to shut off the motor. What is done, is done, and it's enough for us to host this wedding, at the venue and our house.
The next two days are full of wedding appointments and errands, mostly on a pretty mellow schedule. Then Saturday, the Big Day.
I'm excited and ready.
We're going to the mountain.