I deleted my Facebook account today.
Two events triggered my decision, but it was hardly impulsive. I'd been pondering this on and off for years.
I manage overeating by not keeping food in the house I struggle to not consume in unhealthy volumes. So, no cookies, ice cream, donuts. Especially no donuts. Somehow, chocolate bars seem immune from the insanity. Good thing too, as one square a night keeps the sugar monkey at bay.
What else do I struggle to control? Facebook and online surfing. I struggle to control my urges, and now the truth is out that the system's rigged against us.
ONE: I went to a museum in San Francisco on Friday with my aunt. Walking inside, a wave of familiarity and excitement washed over me. I used to go to museums quite a bit. I love the rotating exhibits, the ability to absorb and experience a wide variety of content and art. I realized my online activity keeps me from pursuing more meaningful activities, things that are truly life-giving.
SECOND: I drove up to the bluffs near where I live and watched the sunset. I pretty regularly will do that, but again, I get distracted. I sat there in my car watching the sun go down - so boring right? But it's not. I looked at all the other cars parked on the side of the road, pulled over for the same reason and then I felt that familiar rush of contentment and awe. It's the exact opposite of seeing a Like on a Facebook post; it's a shared sense of connectedness with strangers and nature, all of us pausing in our lives to take in a free, awe-inspiring event and ponder the ineffable. I felt connected to them, to the divine/God, to people across all of time who've paused at the end of their days to watch the show.
I was reminded of this quote by Richard Rohr:
"The . . . universe is not simply a place but a story—a story in which we are immersed, to which we belong, and out of which we arose. This story has the power to awaken us more deeply to who we are. For just as the Milky Way is the universe in the form of a galaxy, and an orchid is the universe in the form of a flower, we are the universe in the form of a human. And every time we are drawn to look up into the night sky and reflect on the awesome beauty of the universe, we are actually the universe reflecting on itself. . . ."
I don't end up in liminal spaces by scrolling on Facebook. I just don't. I realize I can't be reflective and pondersome all the time, but even how I relax, I just don't want it to be mindless scrolling.
How do I bring more people into my life, in person, and how do I bring more beauty into my life? Social media is a small part in that but very small. I wanted to limit my options, because I have to do that for myself.
On we go.