My daughter is about to get engaged. This weekend, to be exact.
Her soon-to-be fiance texted me about three weeks ago asking if he could meet with us via Skype. His text was something along the lines of, "You probably know what this is about. When are you free?"
We had a wonderful conversation in which we even planned some hilarity and laughs to help his nerves. He asked us for our blessing, giving a nod to Kay's independence and not needing our permission (this made us very happy). I have a great screenshot of the entire experience.
But two weeks later, I'm so nervous I give myself a very mild (but real) case of the shingles. I woke up several times alarmed and crying.
We have wrestled with this young man since he met him. I have at times had a hard time seeing past some of his more immature qualities. I've dwelt on whether Kay should even be getting married. I've wondered about whether she shouldn't do more, travel more, enrich her single life. I've worried that trauma she experienced as a kid is coloring her choices now.
I basically went to Costco and piled my grocery cart full of guilt, sadness, angst, and worry. That wasn't enough so I supersized it all in the McDonald's drive-through on the way home. I even did some online shopping when I decided to tie-in projections from my own childhood and twenty-something marriage.
I haven't been mentally healthy enough to know how to cope with such a sudden change in our family. I retreated to the familiar territory of doubt and fear. The timing hasn't been ideal.
Also, underneath the neurosis, there was some healthy grieving that needed to occur. Once I realized I needed to process the change and emotions of a child marrying, things became more clear. We are still adjusting to the girls living away from home full-time. I thought I had a few more years before marriage circled around.
And regarding this young man, I realized he is quirky and complex, imperfect. I wanted someone that doesn't exist. I wanted someone that completely has their act together, someone that Kay would never be attracted to, someone that would most likely have secrets because no one is that together. It turns out, he really, loves our daughter and bonus, he fits great into our family because we're quirky, smart, nerdy, interesting, creative, and caring. He's all that and more.
I also realized they are more prepared for marriage than we were, maybe still are. I realized my daughter has her own flaws. I realized we can talk about these things maturely, and can work through the bumps that come.
I realized this was alot about me and my own growth and healing, and less about them.
I realized it's time to get excited about the year of engagement ahead and to be ready to welcome him into our family, to be gracious and supportive parents, to find ways to bless them with our resources and our love.